Starring: Ray Wise, Greg Grunberg, Clare Kramer, Patrick Bauchau, Lombardo Boyar
Directed By: Mike Mendez
Written By: Gregory Gieras
Rating: PG-13 (US) Running Time: 1 hr 20 min
<< contains spoilers! >>
No no no no no, this won’t do! You can’t call a film, Big Ass Spider, and not deliver on the crazy! It runs a standard military experiment gone awry plot, and throws in some half decent visual effects. The writing is occasionally clichéd and cheesy, but it’s let down by too many genuinely decent moments of dialog. Acting? Was actually okay! Continuity errors? I didn’t spot any! Damn it, this thing was actually competently made!
Sharknado, now that’s a crazy film. Sharks, in the city, delivered via Tornado – Come on!
The story mentions some alien growth juice, so why wasn’t that used on anything else? Our heroes could have flown on the backs of spider wasps to battle the giant arachnid! What about an army of truck sized ants? Tell me you wouldn’t want to see that! How do we control the insects? With specially created helmets built for the bugs that secrete a hormone – duh! The story has a crazy military scientist, we can do anything we like!
Why limit the audience to one big spider? Why limit our playing field to Earth? The alien juice apparently came from Mars, so why didn’t we take the battle there? My point is, a film called Big Ass Spider shouldn’t be worried about delivering amazing visual effects, character arcs, sharp dialog and award-winning performances. It’s supposed to be a crappily produced over the top nuts adventure. That didn’t happen here, and the movie ends up being a straight forward creature feature, that takes its inspiration from films like Aliens, Starship Troopers and King Kong, while also failing to provide any crazy surprises.
This production has B movie cult aspirations, but isn’t quite crazy bad enough for that. It ends up being a pretty standard, cheaply produced monster movie, with the odd entertaining moment here and there. If you don’t like spiders, the first third of the film, when the bug is still relatively small will be the hardest section to get through.
This movie will be serviced well enough with a regular DVD or streaming show on your TV, laptop, tablet or phone.
I did enjoy the spider’s attack in the park. The bug at this point is about the size of a large truck, and rushes a crowd of people. The ensuing mayhem and bloody carnage was pretty funny.