Starring: Sylvester Stallone, Brigitte Nielsen, Reni Santoni, Andrew Robinson, Brian Thompson
Directed By: George P. Cosmatos
Written By: Sylvester Stallone
Rating: R (US) Running Time: 1 hr 27 mins
Lieutenant ‘Cobra’ Cobretti, Marion to his friends, is a bad ass super-cop, and lead member of the Zombie Squad. The guy the police call to do the jobs nobody else wants to do. Which in this movie is just about everything. Hostage negotiation, S.W.A.T., parking enforcement, security guard, and Brigitte Nielsen’s boyfriend!
Rockin’ huge 80’s era chic sunglasses, and chewing on an unlit match, Cobra patrols the diseased crime-ridden streets of LA. Wait, no. The crime-ridden streets of LA, full of diseased criminals. Hang on. Crime is a Disease, meet the cure! Now we’re talking! Cue the all American 80’s rock ballad montage! F*ck yeah!
Even by 80’s standards, Cobra was clichéd and unintentionally funny, and decades later, it’s just gotten more entertaining. Aging like a fine bottle of vintage Boone’s farm apple wine! A brisk 87 minute ride, with one of Hollywood’s most bankable stars driving a beautiful custom gunmetal gray, 1950 Mercury coupé. It has everything an undemanding action movie fan needs. Automatic weapons with freakin’ lasers, surprisingly decent action set pieces, groan worthy dialog, and a busty blonde damsel in distress.
Don’t get me wrong, this is a truly bad film, flawed in just about every way it can be. But Cobra is bad in the right way. A classic? Maybe not in the same league as Road House, but it’s certainly memorable, and if you’re entertained by multi-razzie* nominated cheesy action films, then what’s the problem?
* Cobra lost worst film to Howard the Duck and Under the Cherry Moon!
If you’ve enjoyed other Stallone films like Tango and Cash and Rambo: First Blood Part 2, and loved movies like Commando, then I have no doubt you’ll enjoy this too. This movie earns its R rating due to graphic violence.
Los Angeles county makes for a nice backdrop, but this film will be serviced just fine with a regular DVD or streaming show on your TV, laptop, tablet or phone. It would however, be more fun to watch with friends who grew up in the 80’s.
Cobra’s opening scene in the supermarket is hilarious, and sets up the movie perfectly. Egregious product placement, and Stallone, cheesily delivering the movies tag line before blowing away the bad guy. What else could you ask for?