Starring: Pierce Brosnan, Halle Berry, Rosamund Pike, Toby Stephens, Judi Dench, John Cleese, Michael Madsen
Directed By: Lee Tamahori
Written By: Neal Purvis, Robert Wade
Rating: PG-13 (US) Running Time: 2 hr 13 min
Let me give you a quick idea as to how bad Die Another Day is – Madonna has a cameo as a fencing instructor called Verity. See? And that name, Verity, meaning truth, why it’s not even fun. Considering the slew of terrible sexual innuendos delivered in this movie’s horrible script, you’d think they’d call this fencing master Miss Jouster, or Madame Tallywhack! But sadly, she’s just the tip of the crap-berg when it comes to this awful entry in the Bond series.
A film so bad, it’s painful to watch, as you can actually feel brain cells exploding in your head after hearing every poorly written line of dialog. A soul sucking experience as everything you love about the franchise is exploited and abused. Writers Neal Purvis and Robert Wade clearly had no respect for this series of films, or its impressive long running legacy. Seemingly constructing the film’s ludicrous plot from a childish wish list of Bond tropes. Let’s face it, Die Another Day is almost a spoof of the series.
With some scenes shot like an episode of MTV Cribs, and a plot that has a shockingly poor understand of basic physics, Die Another Day is an awful send off for Pierce Brosnan as the super slick secret agent. Joined this time around by Jinx, played to unconvincing perfection by Halle Berry, clearly phoning in her performance. Supposedly an NSA agent, but I would have believed DMV first. With an entrance in the film that egregiously steals its inspiration from Dr. No, and Honey Ryder’s (now that’s more like it) first meeting with Sean Connery’s Bond back in 1962.
This entry in the franchise is going for light comedy, and full on action at the expense of plot, logic and character development. So if that’s what you’re in the mood for, you might actually enjoy this film. Die Another Day is rated PG-13, so the violence never gets too graphic or bloody.
Considering how poor some of the visual effects shots are – a shot of Halle Berry diving of a cliff, and Bond’s paragliding action sequence being the worst – I suggest a standard definition experience on a nice small screen! If you are of legal drinking age, a few of your favorite beverages will help you get through this film.
It’s so hard to pick one terrible moment to rule them all! And I don’t like to jump on the ‘bash Madonna’s acting’ bandwagon, (I thought she was great in Evita) but her brief appearance in this film was just awful. Mostly due to the terrible dialog she was given.